How to make love to your clients

(Warning; the following write-up is symbolic in nature. Any attempt to take it in its literal sense may be detrimental to your hard won reputation)

Next to a private jet, sex is the best thing that ever hit the planet. Forget the raunchy novels, the long lines in front of the cinema when it’s adult night and the slimy watery exchange of bodily fluids, there is nothing quite like making love. It’s the stuff romantic movies are made of. It’s the stuff that makes the world go round and that certainly includes any business entity.

The problem with most people is that they view their clients just as a lion views its prey. They are ready for the kill and they do not hide their intentions, but then they get disappointed when they fail to connect with their clients. Who on earth, I ask, would feel comfortable in a lion’s den?

As a result of the challenges of the business environment where more and more businesses are becoming relics, I will do you a great favour by giving you steps on how to get really intimate with your clients. For how else can you engage them in a lifelong love affair if not through intimacy?

Step one (Foreplay)

1.    Know your client: sounds silly I know but how many of us really take that time to get to really know a potential client? The reason most marriages are in trouble today is that the couples involved didn’t take that time to get to really know each other. They were more concerned with superficial considerations. They did not engage in a soul search. As a client service officer, marketing officer, owner of a growing business and so on, you have to take the time to understand what makes your client tick. Take the time to study and research on potential clients. However, the way and manner in which the knowledge would be sought will depend largely on the kind of climate your business operates in. It could be something as mundane as learning how to properly pronounce the name of your client or something as complex as finding out their likes and dislikes through constant communication. The bottom line is that each client should feel as if he or she is the most important person in the world.

2.    Communicate with your client: it goes beyond mere talking. There has to be a connection, a bonding. So that means more of listening and less talking. Don’t be in a hurry to sell your product or ideas. Become a confidant. Listen to your clients as they talk about seemingly inconsequential things. You have to realize that if they don’t get whatever it is out of their system, they may not be in the mood to talk business. Granted some clients/customers can really get on one’s nerves with personal details but that’s a small price to pay if you intend to maintain a long-term relationship. If necessary, gently and diplomatically stir the conversation to the topic at hand. Don’t act like a teenage boy with over active hormones who only has one thing in his mind when he is with a female. Easy does it! Don’t rush it! Take it slow!

3.    Look at your client: one of the most effective ways of getting your partner in the mood is to really look at him or her. Not look down but revere. Two Face Idibia, the popular musician sang a song in which he emphasized the role of the eye as the window to the soul. Here are one or two lines of the song for you to ponder upon; I see happiness, I see joy and sorrow in the eye… it’s all in the eye. The eye is where it begins and where it ends. When you engage in a conversation with a client. He doesn’t just listen to your words but also subconsciously observes your expression. Something inside him or her wants to figure out if you mean what you say and when your eye is not speaking the same language with your mouth, he or she can tell – this can make your client uncomfortable. So when you are in the work environment, put any thought aside that will put you in a bad mood. Let positive thoughts assail your senses and when you convey that to your client, he or she will become yours for life.

4.    Choose your words carefully: stories abound of individuals who get turned off just at the point of making love by something the other party said. So in dealing with your clients, you really have to carefully choose your words. Communicate with positive and affirmative expressions. Even if you have to decline a request do so in an extremely polite manner. When you act that way, the client will not see it as a rejection. As you engage in the conversation make the client see possibilities not barriers. Make the client see new vistas just by associating with you and your organization. Use words that build not words that destroy.

Step two (The main act)

1.     Understand your client’s rhythm:  by this time you are in for the kill but don’t get cocky about it, be the nice and considerate person that you have always been. Taking a relationship for granted is the best way to end it.  At this stage your relationship with your client should be in steady footing but still be in tune with the rhythm. Always seek ways in which the relationship will be fresh, exciting and relevant. Seek ways in which you can help your client grow. Always be on the look-out for new opportunities.

2.    Always seek to reach orgasm after orgasm: this involves a lot of creativity and insight. Just when your client thinks that it cannot get any better, spring up another pleasant surprise. Oprah Winfrey is an individual who best typifies this trait. In the defunct Oprah Winfrey Show, the producers always had something up their sleeves. There was always something to look forward to. Just when one thought that it wouldn’t get better, something much better would usually come along. So keep the pleasant surprises coming.

3.    Use protection: as much as you seek a permanent relationship, make sure that you got your butt covered. If you have to take insurance do so, if you need proper referrals get it. If you start seeing any signs that things won’t be healthy for  the growth of your business or for your own personal safety, investigate and if it is  an authentic fear, disengage as quickly as possible.

4.    Be a true professional: this is not the time to fumble. You should know exactly what to do and how to do it. No time for false starts or unfulfilled desires

Step three (After the act)

1.    Give your client something to talk about: if you were that good, you definitely would be talked about. Word of mouth testimony is one of the best ways to market your business.

I am not against advertising in the print or electronic media but there are businesses that have never advertised in that manner but who are doing so well. If a customer can convince others about your business through the results he or she is getting, you will never lack more customers.

There is a young man I know who is involved in the laundry business. Due to his great skills, he is always booked. In fact he doesn’t want any more customers so don’t ask me for his number.

2.    Feel good: it is one thing to satisfy your customer and it is another thing to feel fulfilled as you engage in the exchange. The more you take pleasure in what you do, the more you will enjoy the process and what is life if not to live it abundantly?

Author: Efe Alexandra Omordia

Email: [email protected]