President Mahama orders TV3 to reinstate Nana Aba Anamoah

Encouraged by the enthusiastic approval with which the Ghanaian public received his order to the Sports Ministry to pay the Black Queens, President Mahama has issued a directive to TV3 Network to reinstate presenter Nana Aba Anamoah with immediate effect.

The president is expected to follow up this directive to the TV station with another order to promote the embattled newscaster after her reinstatement, a move which political commentators in the country believe will finally placate a section of the public who have been angered by TV3’s decision to take the greatly beloved Nana Aba off air for a while.

But our sources at the Flagstaff House inform us that there are many more orders which the presidency will be issuing in the coming days in order to boost the popularity of the president.

As part of the Better Ghana Agenda, the president is expected to order all husbands to give chop-money which is commensurate with the current rate of inflation, and fathers will also be ordered to pay their wards’ school fees since the academic year has already started.

‘But the orders will not only be to parents,’ a member of the large battalion of government communicators, who spoke on condition of anonymity, told our Flagstaff House correspondent, ‘students will also be ordered by the president to study hard and to obey their parents.’

But that is not the end: President Mahama is expected in the coming days to issue an order to all married couples to obey the biblical command to ‘be fruitful and multiply, and replenish’ the country, in order to swell up the voters’ register.

‘Husbands who are incapable of performing the above duty for any reason will be ordered by the president to chew lots and lots of atadwe and roots,’ our unimpeachable source at the Flagstaff House informed us. ‘For the avoidance of doubt, the president means tiger-nuts, not Joy Dadi Bitters, not Pusher or Cargo Gin Bitters, not even Mighty Power (ɛsi hɔ potii!), but good old tiger-nuts!’

When we asked our sources what the consequences will be for anyone who disobeys the president’s order, we were told:

‘Nothing! As usual, nobody will be punished. But the president will retaliate by also making a promise,’ our reliable informant told us, and added with a wry smile on his lips, ‘which if you’re a Ghanaian, you’ll already know that the president never has any intention of keeping!’

Editor’s note: The ‘Inside the News by Mpakoo’ column which appears every Monday exclusively on ghanabusinessnews.com is satire.

Copyright © 2015 by Creative Imaginations Publicity
All rights reserved. This piece or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in reviews.